FORGIVENESS...

Forgiveness... It is so easy to say you've say you have forgiven something or to believe you have forgiven a situation until you are put in a certain situation or something reminds you of the situation.. then you figure you still loathe a certain person or thing. You just were very good at suppressing this feeling. A lot of times we genuinely think we have forgiven or convince ourselves that we have... but most times we really have not.

"Forgiveness is the intention and voluntary process where a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, lets go of negative emotions such as revenge, with an increased ability to wish the offender well."

Ok so with this definition, you can see that its hard and easy to believe you have forgiven when you fill any of these criterium for forgiveness.  Increased ability to wish an offender well.. increased guys! that's deep!

Four years ago, forgiveness was like my biggest flaw/challenge, I honestly did not know how to mend a relationship after a felt betrayed or hurt. The funny thing is the pettiest things ticked me off, things other people will consider a big deal did not even move me... I was not offended by them.  It was way easier to write someone off than try to mend the relationship or even talk about whatever.... like the person just becomes dead to me... almost literally. See don't get me wrong, I am not a heartless bitch.. or at least that's what I like to believe. But you see, sometimes it too much hard work trying to fix a broken relationship... I am a lazy bish and quite frankly ain't nobody got time for that...


Over the years, I have learnt that's really not how to live. People you love will mess up... heck you too will mess up.. you are human... now this doesn't mean you should give up on them. Honestly, being resentful or holding a grudge eats you up.. like it is the most unnecessary shit ever.. Like why let something or someone live in your head rent free.. it makes no damn sense!


Forgiveness is liberating and no matter how hard it is... it is totally worth it. You sleep well at night.. imagine if you lived without any grudge towards anyone.. Your life will be awesome. I know it is easier said than done but it is doable and if you are constantly aware and trying to attain maximum forgiveness.. that's good enough.


I am tired.. Will finish this post later


Ok I am back... three days after


I have found that I am not forgiving or not as forgiving as I will like to be.. I feel like its not even up to me... I really and genuinely want to forgive but I cant.... I hold some kind of animosity towards some ppl... even though I don't want to.... I want to forget whatever but I cant.. And because I cant forget what they did... thats all I see... regardless of how nice they try to be to me after... I cant see past it and cant hide how I feel... Always so cold... involuntarily cold towards them..


That's horrible... and I dont like feeling like that.. the point when someone has the power to upset u.. its like you are giving them power over ur emotions.. and you have no control

I have learnt that I feel upset or hurt because I expect too much from people.. I put mad people on pedestals and when they fall short of it I get really disappointed

Sooo yah the question is why are you putting mad people on pedestals???.. or even better.... why are you putting anyone there... everyone is prone to do some shit.. and quite frankly that's okay when kinda expect it.. No one owes anyone anything.. it's a dog eat dog world and to be honest you have probably hurt people too... even without having the slightest clue


What I am saying pretty much is... No one can upset you unless you let them.. the you should see it is... they have done absolutely nothing to you... you just made a bad judgement or they did or whatever... but you should never take these things personally.. I mean, nothing in this life is ever that serious..

 Live and let live.. let go of unnecessary shit and just do you booo!


xo


S

Note to Self...

Dear Self,

If you keep going backwards with the same people that God has intentionally removed from your life, you will continue to stay stuck. There is NO joy in being confused and unhappy. Get rid of old habits and leave them where they belong. What is meant for you will be yours. Learn to let go. Dysfunction is NOT love. There is a huge difference between being content and complacent, know the difference.

Sincerely,

S

*inspired by a random post on instagram