27 DRESSES

THE ROAD TO 26...

Sigh! Guess who is going to be 26 in a few months???... This is has gone from SURREAL to SO fcking REAL.

Hanging on to my last months of being 25 dearlyyy... like that last piece of pie, I am savoring it. So quick to say I am only 25, bih!!.. but not anymore mama.. not anymore.

Can we press pause though? call half time? no? dang it! Oh mehn, I would soon be closer to being 30 than  20. Ok maybe I am being a little dramatic. I have grown in so many ways in the last year alone. When I turned 25 that was my turning point, I became an official adult, and put away all my "childish" things Lmao. Dare I say I am proud of the young woman I have become? Matter of fact I am.. I am definitely not in the same place I was 2 years ago.. and for that I am extremely grateful and deserve props.. CAN SOMEONE HAND THIS YOUNG LADY A COOKIE, DAMMIT???

 I have become closer to God, I am very aware of what I want and don't want, I am better with my money.. for the most part :) just to mention a few.  My perception on life has changed tremendously. Let's take a moment to reminisce on what I thought I wanted when I was younger and what I actually want now? Hahahaha.. oh don't do it ma'am.

Bottom line for me right now is to be happy, genuine undiluted happiness and to be so close to my creator that when I read the Quran or ponder on my existence, I shed a tear or two.

I am not even sure what I want this post to be about.. 26 things I am thankful for? 26 ways I have grown in the last years? Goals for this new age?.. na I would not even bother with that because I have learned that we can make plans and at the end of the day it God's will that will be done. I aam not even about to pressure on myself.


BRB... I need to go say my prayers.. because "eyan le ku any focken time".. Hahah that should be my new motto yo! I love it!

Ok I'm back, I think the real question is Why are you afraid of turning 26? Do you think you have not achieved a lot for a 26 year old because I beg to differ. Girl, look at you!!! Should I start counting all your blessings?? Or is it the African in you that dreads being single at 26? According to ilorin standard, girl you are too old to be single, your mates have at least 2 kids so WYD?? hahaha

I refuse to settle mehn, I won't compromise my happiness just cause I want to fit into society. I just keep praying for God's guidance in choosing a partner, long life, someone I will raise a beautiful islamic family with, love me and my family.. my list goes on.. but that is not why we are here.. there you go again drifting, girl.

I finally figured out what I want this post to be about. Things I wanna achieve before turning 26. That's in just over a month girl, but like Obama 2008 said, yes You can! In my head I am turning 30 yo. I wanna look back on this post and have checked everything on this list. Here goes:

Give icebreaker speech.. Its been 3 years cuh! still nothing so I am challenging you to give two speeches before the year runs out. 2 speeches and you'd TTM in between.

Apply to another solid school for  environmental. Damn I feel so damn old going back to school but hey, better late than never. 2016 we should be in there worrying about midterms and finals oh I miss those days.. lol jk I don't

Pay of one of your credits. yep aunty big spender big spender, just pay that ish off and bring up your score that's more important than saving up right now if you wanna buy a house next year. Haram money lmao, pay it off abeg.

I wanna do something special this year. I wanna give back. I have not figured out how yet but I wanna see direct impact. I will come back to this.

So yah mama, the goals are actually not a lot aka not overwhelming, all things you can achieve if you put your mind to it.

I'd be back to check this, and of course writing a response so please don't disgrace me abeg. lol

Till next time,

Love Always,

S

Letter to my 16-year Old Self

Hey Kid,

Oh you goof!.. you swear you are a comedian! haha I wish I could go back to you so drama free and clueless. Your biggest worries were food, acing waec and getting into uni... any uni really, You just wanted to make papa proud of you. I wish I could tell you to stop stressing so damn much. That everything would work itself out. You worry so much mama.

At 18, you would date your best friend at the time. You guys would fall out so quick and you won't care about it because so busing worrying about not getting kicked out of Engineering.You didn't care about the relationship .. U just wanted ur friend back and.. Unfortunately, that ship had sailed.

You are so funny.. So witty and smart .. Where did all that go? lol

I wish you weren't so embarrassed by your first name and would rather answer to ur 2nd least favorite name. You would learn to love this name you dislike so much and that's all u'd want to be called.

Who knew you would become this person w absolute no care in the world how ppl felt about u?.. Oh u are so tactful right now... So scared to hurt other peoples feelings.LMAO, you will quickly learn that its a cold world and you really can't expect nothing from anybody.When you don't expect shit, dont get disappointed.  You would become that person that ignored people's messages and even let them know you are ignoring them. damn B!

Your plan is to be more prayerful and closer to ur deen.. You started out so well.. Finished the Quran .. Started learning the meanings.. And then u lost ur way somehow.. I remember you couldn't sleep if you hadn't completed your salat for the day but now.. You sleep like a baby even when u are very aware that u didn't pray. Even worse mama, who knew that one day you would question God's existence? Astagfurrlah

You will go through a major hiccup in life, that will stress you out so much. Because, that's what you do, stress. You'd become a size 6 in ur early twenties.. That's like half the size u are right now, Miss size 12. hahahah

Who knew you'd grow to love this bum u are so conscious about right now? You sag ur backpack on purpose just to hide this annoying big bum. oh since we are talking about insecurities, ur legs will never become smaller, so I would start embracing them now darling.

You will fall in love in ur early twenties. Like literally fall... Coz you won't plan or see it coming... Oh you think you are careful with these matters of the heart, emotions, boys all that "stupid" stuff. In fact you'd swear it will never happen w this person.. But alas, You will just wake up one day and you are like... dang I love this nigga.. Lmao.

Brings me to this.. Stop feeling like you can control the outcome of things .. Because for the most part.. there are somethings u have no control on whatsoever.. You will be unemployed for almost two years and by unemployed I mean, u won't land the Job u think u deserve ... you know, the one you went to school for.  And if you had known this.. I'd say don't let it take away from ur happiness .. More like don't let it be the centre of your happiness .. Depression and unhappiness is a choice mama... And I wish you did not choose it at some point in your life.

Now you know better. You know better than to settle especially when it comes to men. You keep a small circle because that's what u can control. I'm proud of the woman you are becoming I just wish you would stop doubting yourself ever so often and just do it.

I like how you've realized that failing is inevitable and it's just how u handle it that matters. Happiness is a choice and please choose happiness over anything always!
All day every day.. Your happiness should never be compromised. Aka if something is making u feel even slightly unhappy.. Check it.. Toss it.. Remove it.. Do whatever you need to. There is no price on genuine happiness. You are bae abeg!

Love always,

Older & Much Wiser S

WHAT I LEARNT IN 2013

I would say 2013 was an absolute struggle year for me... mainly because I was trying so hard to find stability and I felt like my life was completely up side down... like I had no idea wth was going on with me... I spent the earlier part of the year constantly crying.. I became a wimp and just cut off from everyone...

You see, pretty good things also happened that year but no I only focused on the "bad" things.. I legit lost myself... I did not know wth I was anymore... I had no care in the world.. and everyone was dispensable..  I was unapologetic and excuse my french, but I really did not give a fck


Oh well.. Here's a list of what I learnt

Gotta love yourself.. and look out for yourself... It is ok to be selfish... no one can love you as much you love you

Dont you ever compromise your standards... for anything or anyone

Dont put mad people on pedestals.. yeah if you can, dont put no one there...

Dont go chasing waterfalls

When someone shows you who they are .. believe them.. dont even try to make up excuses and shit

Be a consistent human being

Be close to God

Liveeeeeee... worrying doesn't solve shit... Yeah babe do what you like and makes you happy

There is no point arguing or trying to explain something to someone that wont and cant get it.. be quiet.. don't waste your strength

Count your blessings and you'd be surprised how far you've come

Listening to good music actually makes me happy

I learnt how to be happy by my damn self...

I learnt that sometimes, you might work really hard and still not get positive results.. doesnt make you a damn failure... just keep at it. or try it another way

Figure out what's really important to you ... you know the things that really matter.... dont take them for granted

Family is everything you got.. everyone else sadly is only temporary ... "They say people are in your life for seasons and everything that happens is for a reason"

Knowing when to let go and walk away is skill you will constantly need in life

When all fails and you don't know what else to do... sleep
.. Still so much.. Finish this later

FORGIVENESS...

Forgiveness... It is so easy to say you've say you have forgiven something or to believe you have forgiven a situation until you are put in a certain situation or something reminds you of the situation.. then you figure you still loathe a certain person or thing. You just were very good at suppressing this feeling. A lot of times we genuinely think we have forgiven or convince ourselves that we have... but most times we really have not.

"Forgiveness is the intention and voluntary process where a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, lets go of negative emotions such as revenge, with an increased ability to wish the offender well."

Ok so with this definition, you can see that its hard and easy to believe you have forgiven when you fill any of these criterium for forgiveness.  Increased ability to wish an offender well.. increased guys! that's deep!

Four years ago, forgiveness was like my biggest flaw/challenge, I honestly did not know how to mend a relationship after a felt betrayed or hurt. The funny thing is the pettiest things ticked me off, things other people will consider a big deal did not even move me... I was not offended by them.  It was way easier to write someone off than try to mend the relationship or even talk about whatever.... like the person just becomes dead to me... almost literally. See don't get me wrong, I am not a heartless bitch.. or at least that's what I like to believe. But you see, sometimes it too much hard work trying to fix a broken relationship... I am a lazy bish and quite frankly ain't nobody got time for that...


Over the years, I have learnt that's really not how to live. People you love will mess up... heck you too will mess up.. you are human... now this doesn't mean you should give up on them. Honestly, being resentful or holding a grudge eats you up.. like it is the most unnecessary shit ever.. Like why let something or someone live in your head rent free.. it makes no damn sense!


Forgiveness is liberating and no matter how hard it is... it is totally worth it. You sleep well at night.. imagine if you lived without any grudge towards anyone.. Your life will be awesome. I know it is easier said than done but it is doable and if you are constantly aware and trying to attain maximum forgiveness.. that's good enough.


I am tired.. Will finish this post later


Ok I am back... three days after


I have found that I am not forgiving or not as forgiving as I will like to be.. I feel like its not even up to me... I really and genuinely want to forgive but I cant.... I hold some kind of animosity towards some ppl... even though I don't want to.... I want to forget whatever but I cant.. And because I cant forget what they did... thats all I see... regardless of how nice they try to be to me after... I cant see past it and cant hide how I feel... Always so cold... involuntarily cold towards them..


That's horrible... and I dont like feeling like that.. the point when someone has the power to upset u.. its like you are giving them power over ur emotions.. and you have no control

I have learnt that I feel upset or hurt because I expect too much from people.. I put mad people on pedestals and when they fall short of it I get really disappointed

Sooo yah the question is why are you putting mad people on pedestals???.. or even better.... why are you putting anyone there... everyone is prone to do some shit.. and quite frankly that's okay when kinda expect it.. No one owes anyone anything.. it's a dog eat dog world and to be honest you have probably hurt people too... even without having the slightest clue


What I am saying pretty much is... No one can upset you unless you let them.. the you should see it is... they have done absolutely nothing to you... you just made a bad judgement or they did or whatever... but you should never take these things personally.. I mean, nothing in this life is ever that serious..

 Live and let live.. let go of unnecessary shit and just do you booo!


xo


S

Note to Self...

Dear Self,

If you keep going backwards with the same people that God has intentionally removed from your life, you will continue to stay stuck. There is NO joy in being confused and unhappy. Get rid of old habits and leave them where they belong. What is meant for you will be yours. Learn to let go. Dysfunction is NOT love. There is a huge difference between being content and complacent, know the difference.

Sincerely,

S

*inspired by a random post on instagram

Dear Self,

Dear S,

Ok it's like this...

U have two options...

Play the victim or take responsibility for whatever happened and move on

Fck, it's like u enjoy this pity party

Where u can sit, cry all day and whine how nobody wants or care about ur ass

The real question is... Is this even a fair statement?

Even God will be so confused by this.

Listen, just listen... U are the one that has chosen to alienate urself from everyone

U are the one that has chosen to be by urself and push every one away... Oh so rudely too

Missy... U are the one that has made one person the centre of your existence ... The reason why u are happy or sad is this one person

Dude... You have chosen to give up on everyone and everything coz that's the easiest thing to do.. The easy way out is what you've chosen my dear

How do u expect different results if u don't change ur approach and try something different

Not to be harsh or hard on you but I think you are weaker than u actually realize 

Like freaking snap out of this... It is not serious ... Nothing in this life is ever that deep.

If you are willing to negotiate your standards ... Well girl, I'm sorry you have no standard.

I'm tired ... I'm tired of your pity party .. I am sick and tired wallah

Grow the fck up

Nobody owes u anything

The world doesn't owe u nothing.... You have to find your own.. Dog eat dog world... That's the reality

You need to re-evaluate your standards and stick to them..  Right now I feel like you are floating ... Just winging it... Waiting for things to happen to you.. Not taking any damn thing serious.. You can't live life like this ... You can't coast through life... If you keep waiting... Nothing will happen ... U gotta go get whatever u want by urself Hun

Please please please I beg you...  Remember what's really important to u... And don't take it for granted

Life is too damn short to be unhappy or to push people that genuinely care about you away.

And it is a two way street... U should show them too... Be happy...  Don't compare urself to nobody... Don't mistake contentment for being complacent.. Two completely different things

Be open minded... Make Allah ur best friend... I know it's hard but try ... That's the only person that will not fail you in this world Wallah.. Pray about everything... Talk to him about everything ... Faith is something I feel u are lacking right now... I'd need u to get it back.

You are going to be 24 soon... Alhamdulilah .. Please grow up ... Grow up.... Grow up! I love you... I honestly do... But sometimes you let me down... And it hurts .. I just need you to be strong for yourself... Thank you! I love you and your perfect imperfections.. Oh wait... I said that already

Love Always,

S

2012 in a Nut Shell

Oh Lawd I haven't blogged all year.. so much to say


2012 has been one hell of a roller coaster ride for me so much ups and downs, laughs and tears, And it's finally done one more day till this very interesting year is over.  Where do I even start?

I graduated Uni...... Finally got the Ring!
Packed my bags one day and moved to a city where I knew absolutely no one
I met a boy
I had two people propose to me... no rings were in involved in either tho o.O lool
I lost and gained some friendships
I lost myself at some point
I lost weight! yay? But I lost my ass too :(



Like I said it has been a very interesting year so far.  I'm still on still thankful to the Almighty for keeping me and my loved ones this far and hopefully 2013 is a even better year for all of us. I'd just talk about the major highlights in details.


Graduated University!

OMG! Best day of my life so far was when I finished my very last exam.... I almost had a freaking heart attack.. Myself and my crew were running around and screaming like mad dogs on campus. I did not give a fcuk coz hey it was my freaking last semester.  I honestly could care less.  Four and a half years of constant struggle was finally over, no more late nights at site, no more back to back midterms and staying up all night just to end up getting some ridiculous mediocre grades?? Oh Lawd I was super stoked that the madness was over and I was officially an Engineer... whoop whoop.




The Big Move to C!

I knew I was going to leave Ottawa when I was done but what I didn't know for sure was when and where? I mean, I was already done with Ottawa more like Ottawa was done with me.  I randomly on a fateful day got a call from my friend in C that told me about this career fair holding in a week. That was when I decided to buy a one way ticket to move down here. The idea of leaving my life and all the certainty I know in Ot was scary as fcuk but I felt it in my gut that it was a right move so I moved anyway. Need I remind you that I did not know anyone in this city, stayed with a friend's friend for a bit.. very humbling experience if you ask me. I've lived here for almost 6 months now and I really like it here. bigger city.. better opportunities... better people... better people? did i just say better people? uhmm I take that back... One thing I have learnt is that people never mean half of what they say and it is best to disregard their words and  judge them only by their actions. And even at that, some people are very good actors/actresses... lmao ... no hope mate!

Anywayyyy... It has been really nice here all in all.. no regrets whatsoever, just still haven't landed the big fish I came here for in the first place which is a good engineering JOB. Ya Rabbi, it has been six months and still nothing. I know it is coming soon.. real soon.. I feel it.




I met a boy!

Yes people I met a boy and got with the boy for all the wrong reasons. I knew from the get go that I was  setting myself up for disaster but I still decided to get in it coz hey! Life is too short to be playing safe all the gotdamn time! The boy seemed really nice and sweet and genuine in the beginning.. you know in the honeymoon phase? Everything was all rosy and I even started to reconsider the fact that I know I can't be with this lad long term. Looking back now...... you know what.. nvm.. It is done now and I have moved on from that

We "Settling" now??

"Most of you will never fall in love and will marry out of fear of dying alone" I saw this on twitter and it got me thinking.. and even a little scared...

I've never been in LOVE before... I'm guilty of using the L-word carelessly... mainly out of pressure cause maybe the guy says they love you and u feel the need to return the favor.... but honestly, I'm pretty sure, no scratch that, I'm 100% sure I've never been in love!..

You know the kind of love that Shakespeare would describe, the I-can't-live-without-you kinda love (hey I mean that literarily!)..  Love is much more than butterflies in your tummy and all that temporary feelings.. Love's DEEP!!!

Honestly, the reason why I haven't been in a really serious relationship is because... I am  TEAM "Say no to Settling"... I feel like there is no point getting into something if that *spark* is not there from the get go...

One of my biggest fear is getting married to someone in the hope that I'd learn to fall in love w the person.. or just because I want to fit into the society...

I really want to know what it feels like to actually be in Love w someone....  me I don't want to settle!!!... Habibi, please where the hell are you?!?!?!.. lol

xoxo

The Little Things....

So I saw this random tumblr link when I was reading one of my favorite blogs...  On that tumblr page,  people just put up the little random things that make them go awww, or smile... pretty much random things that make you  HAPPY...

Here are some of those things that relate to me:

• Re-reading Conversations.... (I always do that!!!)

• Logging onto FaceBook on your birthday.. :D

• Free stuff!!!!.... (This goes without saying )

• Peeling dried off glue!!!.. (Thought I'd have outgrown this habit)

• Having deep conversations w people

• When someone tells you that you smell nice

• When  the deadline of  project is extended!!!!....... (Have you met "Ms P"?... yh, that would be me!!!)

• When that your very random wish becomes reality

• Looking at old year books and photographs

• Seedless grapes.. (so random but it's so much less stressful)

• Drinking cold water when you're really thirsty.. (it tastes so good then)

• Turning on the TV just in time for your favorite show ^_^

• Dresses with pockets

• Taking your bra off at the end of the day

• Waking up and realizing you have more time to sleep *whoop*

• Getting new school supplies!!.. hahaha (Need I remind you of my Nerdy status?)

• Having breakfast for dinner.. (I'm not a morning person so I always enjoy my cereal at night)

• The cold side of a pillow!

• The smell after it rains... (there is something serene about it)

• Looking through your school work from when you were young

• Fresh baked bread... #yum

• Cute sneezes

• Someone telling just you a secret

• Changing into sweatpants/ pjs at the end of the day.... (Jeans are so uncomfortable... uggghh

• Discovering a song and instantly loving it

• Being Able to Fall asleep right away

• Feeling confident when turning an exam

• Finally remembering the word you had on the tip of your tongue

• The feeling of relief after finding something you thought you lost 

• Rapping an entire part of a song perfectly ... (SMH Vanity!!!)

• Seeing bus drivers wave to each other! .. (I thought this was just me.. lol)

• Feeling accomplished at the end of the day

• Finding out someone likes you( well someone I like back or could possibly like back :/ )

• The first bite of food when you're really hungry!.. (That's when it's the sweetest)

• Waking up and realizing your bad dream wasn't real... *whew*

• The fresh feeling after brushing your teeth

• When your favorite favorite part of a song comes up

Say No to Constant Rants!

Hmmppphh.. .. I was thinking to go in with the usual rants about my life and the other baggages that come with it.. then I figured why not do the opposite and blog about happy things I mean, this is could also be an avenue to air out good stuff yah?

Of course with my Nerdy status..  u know the good stuff I'd obviously start off with is my grades this semester :P
This semester was awesome!.. *Thx God* my prediction is 3As and a B (FACK FACK FACKIDI FACK!) I'm still so mad about that B.. could have done so much better..
since we talking about the good stuff I left out the one I barely passed of which I'd retake this summer just for a better grade ;) #NerdThings


Moving on... Summer started super slooowwwwwww for me.. In fact it still hasn't kicked off.. the hell?? I  want a good JOB!!.. arggggghhhhh Not even a single interview??.. what is wrong with them?? they mad??.. coz the problem is definitely not with me or my well put together resume.. they better recognize! Freaking, its already the 7th of May.. and no Pay cheque.. like how am I supposed to shop AKA be happy?.. this people be messing with me!!!

Oh woow breath Girl, we said no rants on this post and it's just the second paragraph and we already at it... *inhales*exahales*inhales*exhales*

So a little birdie told me it's Mothers' day today again?.. I feel like I already sent my Mums like two "Happy Mothers' Day" texts this year... no thanks to all 'em twitter ppl for all the confusion... *side eye*

 Another thing to be the thankful about is my Mum.. she's almost puurfect! (yh I use "almost" coz I'm old enough to know it's impossible to be perfect, you can only try) Love you so much ma!!!!!

You know, as you grow older you begin to see why your ma said to or not to do a certain thing....  you realize it has always been for your own good and it came from a very good place..  Sometimes, it scares me that I just might not be able to keep up with the standards she set.. but then again who knows? I may be even better!!!

Thought to use this post to say a big Thank you for everything.. for the laughs, the tears, the unconditional love, for understanding me, not being judgmental, good parenting, selflessness... I actually can go on and on... oh and not forgetting the occasional spanks too..... *sigh*

#DearFutureHusband...

DEAR FUTURE HUSBAND,

First off.. what took you so long?!?!?!..

You know as a little girl.. I had this plan in my head.. I'd get married at 24 tops to the guy I would have been dating for say 3 years?... well I'm 21 now.. and I don't see u :( LOL

I'd call you "Habibi".. that's arabic for "my love/dear"... I'm sure you'd love it!!!!... you need to hear me say it.. so sexy ;)

You can call me whatever you want so far it is not "Iya___ " even when we have kids o.... uhhhh hells no!... O.o

I'm sure already know that I'm pretty special.. but some how you chose me!..

When you ask me if something's wrong and I say no.. tsk tsk pls don't believe me... keep asking.. You have to possess a special power that allows you to hear what I'm not saying

I have mood swings occasionally, so don't take it to heart when I don't wanna play.. It's not like I'm drifting.... I'm just not in the mood

If you have a huge problem with my hairnets and wrappers.. no problem.. I'd stay away from 'em so far you always looking super haat for me..... oh yah on that note....  please no "double standard" in our marriage o.... if it applies to me, it applies to you as well.. #period

See, I really hope I'd get along with your family.. that's the plan.. but this is reality and inlaws aren't always the nicest, so if any of your ppl disrespects me,  pls don't just stand there looking clueless with you mouth open.. ha! --.--

I really hope you are not stingy.. that would really suck!!.. :/

It's really hard for me to let people in completely... since we'd be getting married I probably would have.. or be willing to.. so I beg you... please don't break me... coz I'd trust you and it's difficult for me to rebound when trust is broken

I hope you'd chip in and help me out with the house chores... honestly Habibi, you'd have to.. coz I'm a lazy bum sometimes....

Habibi, which kind of wife would you like me to be?

Wife #1 is The oppressed and vulnerable wife that doesn't dare voice her opinion because she's just a mere housewife that depends 100% on you.. and because you know you have the upper hand, u disrespect her, cheat on her what not... Her self esteem is on a neg.... The only goal she has in life is to take good care of you and keep you happy at all times... without ever complaining!!! (GONE ARE THOSE DAYS!!!)

Wife#2 is done w all the oppression and finally gathers the courage to stand up to you... she is The FRUSTRATED WIFE.. she can afford to do that cause she has a plan B.... probably some small business on the side or she might have been stealing from you and saving up for the rainy days.. she is not afraid of you anymore and is ready to up and leave if it comes down to it.. 

Wife#2 will rather be alone than put up with your madness.. hell, she is ready to beat the madness out of  you!... 

Wife#3 (The INTIMIDATING WIFE) The pic says it all... This is the 9-5 woman who is earning way more than you..  there's no point for you to even work cause she gat u and the fam... now you don't expect her to come back from a long day to cook and clean??.. yah the tables have turned.... whaaaat!!!!!!... This "wife of future" is so gonna happen.. think about it, nowadays, girls are more serious in school than guys.. and they are getting the better jobs these days..  Who run this Mutha.....?!?!?!

After all is said, I feel like all the cases are extreme.. I don't plan on being the oppressed housewife or the frustrated one or even the intimidating wife.. there has to be a balance somewhere right?.. 

I'd cook and clean, call you out when needed because I'm not afraid of you and since I'd be working as well as u, I'd need you to cut me some slacks and help me out once in a while w the cooking and things....  There, my dear, is your perfect wife!!! *thank me later*

I think I'm kinda a wussy when it comes to kids.. hope you'd help me not "SPARE THE ROD" for our children... when they come.. :)

See Habibi, I don't mind you interacting with other females and having female friends.. but for the love of God... Please know where to draw the line.. I'm sure I'd LOVE you so it will tear me apart if you ever cheated on me... oh yh.. and no second wives too That's coz I know you'd be Muslim... and some of y'all think it's ok.. but with US.. I'm telling you it's NOT!!!..

oh one more thing, I hope you'd never lay your hands on me.... hmmmm.. I'd kill you......I don't know what I'd do.. coz I'd be vulnerable...  but really, I hope you remain the gentle man I agreed to marry and not turn into a beast over night :/

DIVORCE is not an option o.. we have to work it out.. so now that we haven't met.. you better test all the waters you need to.... cause when we married.. that's it.. don't worry I'd be here testing my waters too.... so far I end up with you...

Right about now, I'm not the best cook... you know the kind of food that blows your mind?.. yah that one.. I can't give you that..yet... but  hey! I'm working on it.. hopefully by the time we get married.. I'd be good.. see Habibi, I have your interest at heart :p

I'd like for you to be a good father, best friend, brother, mentor all in one... you can do that right?

Habibi, I haven't met you yet but I LOVE YOU with the length, breadth and depth that my soul can reach....I'd be the very best I can and over look all our shortcomings....

Love Always,

S

21 QUESTIONS?????

I turned 21 last week.. yay!!!!.. not.. Look I'm very thankful to God for my life and that of my fam's but that was almost the worst bday ever.. first off, don't think I was mentally prepared to turn 21.. like really, being twenty-one is a FACKING BIG DEAL!!!!.. and I don't know, wasn't just ready for it.. I have t grow up fasst I guess.. Life's not waiting for me

I'm always super excited for all my other b-days.. not like I'm a big party kinda girl.. but I get so much love on that day.. I feel so special.. but this year's was bleh.. I wasn't looking forward to it at all.. it was like whatever.. then it hit me when a second past 12 and my phone started t ring.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!.. oh yeah.. I'm 21....O.o 

I was so stressed out that day.. had two major exams the next day.. of which I wasn't ready for.. and would later turn out bad.... still haven't checked the results.. don't have the nerves to...
Ok honestly, the day wasn't a complete disaster..... got t talk t my fam and my bestest friends in the world.. I mean, what more do I need?!?!

Being 21 comes with a whole lot of responsibilities... your adult life already started.. uuggghh.. when did we grow up???... I'm not ready yet.. I'm not where I thought I'd be by the time I turned 21... oh well, "Life's what happens to us while we are busy making other plans"... I'm still thankful tho .. *Alhamdulilah*

I feel like I haven't really grown since I turned 17.... maybe I'm being a little too hard on myself but that's exactly how I feel...

Oh well, that's as far as my unconscious let me go.... it decided to hoard the rest of the feelings as usual.... when I'm more comfortable I'd be back... gotta go to bed.. BIG DAY tomorrow.... it's Boxing Day... and in the States too.. whoop whoop!!!!!!!!!!.... wish I had more money.... right now, shopping is the only thing that gives me JOY!!!

I'M AFRAID....

Like everyone else... I'M AFRIAD of some things... and I'm not afraid to share 'em on this post...

I'm afraid of life after death... yah.. I believe in life after death and I'm certain it will be beautiful.. but it scares me coz I'm not sure if I have made all the right life choices I need to get me to that beautiful side.. another thing that scares me is extinction... How do you just go from living into extinction??.. I mean where does the soul and all that comes with it go??.. you see why I believe in the hereafter??? There has to be a life after death!...

I'm afraid of uncertainty... it scares me a lot.. you never know if today's ur last.. or what's gonna happen the next second.... "not-knowing" is almost the worst feeling.....so it only makes sense to believe in a God.. I mean, something has to be supreme.... and above all this madness called life..... I'm very afraid of GOD 

Moving on... my MAJOR fear may come as a surprise to lots.... but one of my greatest fears is being left alone in the same room or at least 15 feet with a dog... OMG!!!...I'd literally pass out.. I'm afraid of DOGS... I constantly embarrass myself whenever I see one

See, it's not like I hate dogs or can't stand them.. any dog of any age and size intimidates me... that's just my truth...I find them too aggressive... see the way they bark????..
I've had a pretty bad experience with them.. I was told that a dog senses fear.. can smell ur adrenaline rush.. so it's in your best interest to stay calm if you see a dog.... I'm not foolish.. but my first instinct when I see a dog is to run.. and the dog ended up chasing me.... I thought that was IT for me...

The annoying thing is that some dog owners don't acknowledge/believe that dogaphobes ( btw that's a new word and u heard it hear first :P) like me exist.. they don't put their dogs on leash... leaving it wondering around!... well I got news fah y'all S-O-Bs.. I found this thing on a plane catalogue.. I think it's called a "dog zapper".. (I might be wrong)... it's used to zappp dogs that are being naughty.. it mildly electrocutes the dog and weakens it so it's calm... it's not meant to kill or harm the dog.... I'm seriously considering getting one.. and God help me.. I'd zapp any Biatch/Dog that even attempts to come close to me.....

so who's ya daddy huh??.... lol 

I'm afraid of Karma!.. I think everyone should be coz Kay is a biatch!!.. and you don't see her coming.. Bitch gives you more than u bargained for... I try my best not to mess with karma.. coz I know.. that the saying "what goes around, comes around" applies to everything.....

I'm afraid of a naked man who is offering me clothes..... uhhh thanks but no thanks...

I'm afraid of not having a clear conscience at the end of the day..... I wonder how some people sleep at night..

I'm afraid of being stuck in an elevator alone.. I get so so scared and paranoid every time I'm in an elevator alone.. I feel like that's when somethings gonna go wrong.. and that's when I hear sounds that give me the creeps.. :S

I'm afraid of failure..... I don't know how to lose or fail.. sorry!

I'm afraid of the DARK... I sleep with the lights on.. well, that explains the high hydro bills..*sigh

POST NUMERO UNE!

Story of my life....

This post is mostly going to be about me.. in fact the blog is about me.. so you can either keep reading or move along... :)

It goes like this

• I'm  Sagittarius.... I don't pay attention to all that horoscope crap.. feel like everything applies t everyone..  *RME*

• I'm Muslim to my very last bone... (ps: Murdering is NOT Islam!!

• I love my gadgets... People who know me know that I don't joke around with 'em

• I had an awesome childhood.. my dad is the funniest man!.. and my Mums a really strong woman... sometimes I wish I could re-live some of those memories.. *sigh* when did we grow up?!?! o.0

• I love sour things!!!.. from sour gummy bears to pink grape fruit juice to Swedish bitters.. the best part of taking these things is the feeling you get after.....it's amazing!!!

• I'm obsessed w Rings

• I enjoy baking and trying new recipes!!!

• My favorite item in my closet is my plain white tee!!... you can never go wrong w that!!

• I have occasional rants w myself.. like I have those moments when I'm in the bathroom and stare at the mirror and talk to myself for like 30mins tops..  I do this to keep myself in check... now that's totally normal right?.... RIGHT?

• I totally hate Indian movies... pretty much any movie that the actors sing and dance in between.. are they like retarded???!!  *barfs*.... yh so I can't watch glee, high school musical, dream girls..

• Another thing I can't stand are movies w over exaggerated characters.. like vampires, Zombies.. pullleease! so you can guess I'm not a fan of  True Blood, The Vampire diaries... et al                     ok moment of truth..  I tried watching True Blood several times because of the hype... but ended up having terrible night mares about someone trying to suck my blood... the hell??.. I keep convincing my brain that the BS is not real but my unconscious has a mind of its own!!

• I love cleaning ears... even other people's!!!!!......  O.o hahaha I know! I remember I'd always force my little siblings to clean their ears and they'd crrrrrry.. and I'd bribe them w something.. just so they'd let me... I'm sure in their heads they were like "what's wrong w this freak!!!" looool but hey I don't clean random people's ears tho... If I can clean your ears then consider yourself special to me ;)

• I don't have a lot of pet peeves, one of my most random pet peeve is seeing tangled earphones... like why you so lazy?.. it's even fun to untangle 'em.. shessh!!

• When I'm really bored..  I make covers and videos of my favorites songs.. my voice is not too from horrible but I still sing anyway.. bite me!!.. lol

• I'm a lazy bum sometimes..

• I have a thing for people who are gap toothed and light skinned guys... #Don'tAsk :P

• I have a major weakness: "FORGIVENESS".. it's like my biggest flaw, I don't know how to forgive people.. mainly because I'm extremely loyal to a certain people..it's so hard for me to rebound when trust is broken by those certain people...

• when someone upsets me... I just let them go.... I feel like it's much easier to give up on the r'ship u have w the person than make it work... I don't how to "kiss and make up"... working hard on this tho!

• I can pass for the most tactful...I just don't like to hurt people's feelings... so sorry, if I smile and tell you that the make-up it took you an hour to wear looks good on you.. I mean, only a mean person would tell you otherwise.. camon!...............I'd be honest if I really have to though.. like say when it's a serious life issue.. I'm willing to cut you some slacks for the petty ones...... why am I here? ;)

• If there's one thing I can't stand.. it is dogs... I constantly embarrass myself every time I see a dog.. I'm a big MESS in this department!

• I don't like people getting into my head.. so I don't really tell people stuff, for the sole reason that I don't want you to be able to see right through any of my actions... I think that makes me vulnerable.. and I can't stand to be vulnerable even for a split second.... and NO, it's not pride

• I can't stand people that talk to other people condescendingly.... no really.. why are u stuck up??.. SIT YOUR ASS DOWN!!! \_

• I over-think things!... jeeeeezz!!!...it's sickening!.. even the pettiest things..... I keep reminding myself, life's not that serious.... ha!

• I've never been in love.... yh that guy that you sing Paramore's "Only Exception" to and actually mean it... nah!!

• When I'm bored.. I EAT... and A LOT too!!

The truth is I don't know how to do this, u know, the tell-me-about-yourself... It's like brain surgery for me.... well that's how far I could go.... I'm still discovering myself anyway.. so I'd keep updating.. :)

XOXO